SHOCKING NEWS: Philadelphia Phillies Owner John Middleton Caught Trying to Sign Shohei Ohtani Using Monopoly Money.
Philadelphia, PA – In what can only be described as one of the most bizarre moments in MLB history, Philadelphia Phillies owner John Middleton has reportedly attempted to sign superstar Shohei Ohtani using Monopoly money. The stunning revelation has sent shockwaves through the baseball world, leaving fans, analysts, and even Ohtani himself in disbelief.
Sources close to the negotiations claim that Middleton, known for his aggressive spending habits, was determined to land Ohtani at all costs. However, instead of offering real cash, he allegedly presented the two-way sensation with a contract worth $700 million in Monopoly money, claiming it was “just as good as the U.S. dollar—if not better.”
A leaked image of the contract showed crisp stacks of colorful bills featuring Monopoly’s iconic “Rich Uncle Pennybags,” with Middleton reportedly saying, “Shohei, this is the future of baseball contracts. Real money is overrated!”
Ohtani, who had just come off an MVP-winning season, was reportedly confused when he received the offer. Initially believing it to be a joke, sources say he laughed and told Middleton, “I appreciate the humor, but I prefer real money.”
However, when Middleton insisted that the Monopoly money was legitimate, Ohtani and his agent, Nez Balelo, were left in utter shock. Balelo was overheard muttering, “This is worse than Bitcoin in 2010.”
Word of the incident quickly spread, prompting MLB officials to step in and investigate the matter. Commissioner Rob Manfred, upon hearing the news, reportedly choked on his coffee before exclaiming, “This is a new low—even for the Phillies.”
A league spokesperson released a statement:
“While we admire creativity in contract negotiations, we must remind all team owners that Monopoly money is not legal tender in the United States or anywhere else. The Phillies will be under review for any further financial irregularities.”
The Phillies fanbase, known for its passion and sometimes brutal honesty, did not hold back. Social media exploded with memes, with one viral post reading:
“Middleton really thought Ohtani would sign for ‘Free Parking’ money? Bro, this isn’t the board game, it’s real life!”
Another fan wrote, “First, we lose out on Ohtani, and now we find out our owner thinks he’s playing a game of Monopoly? This explains a lot about our bullpen decisions!”
Citizens Bank Park even saw a small protest, with fans throwing tiny plastic houses onto the field, chanting, “Pay real money or GO TO JAIL!”
When confronted by reporters outside his office, Middleton remained surprisingly unfazed.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” he stated. “Monopoly money has been a household name for decades. If it can buy Boardwalk and Park Place, why can’t it buy Ohtani?”
When asked if he had any regrets, Middleton simply shrugged and said, “I should have thrown in a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card. That would’ve sealed the deal.”
While the Phillies remain a powerhouse team, this debacle has undoubtedly left a stain on their reputation. The team will now have to refocus its efforts on acquiring top talent—this time, using actual U.S. dollars.
As for Shohei Ohtani, sources say he is still laughing about the incident but has no plans to sign with any team that offers fictional currency.
Meanwhile, rumors are swirling that the New York Mets are considering offering Ohtani 500,000 Chuck E. Cheese tokens, claiming, “At least these have real-world value.”
The MLB offseason continues to surprise, but one thing is certain: this may go down as the most ridiculous contract offer in baseball history.
